A Tale Of Two Neighbors

Once upon there are two neighbors in a neighborhood. One of them is a fucking dick, we'll call him red. The other is a hard working, kind person, we'll call him blue. Red and blue become friends, and even bond over the fact that they both love Neil Cicierega. They hang out here and there, one might even call them best friends.

One day, blue decides to buy a store, and sell Neil Cicierega merchandise from it. It was a wondrous place, due to blue being a hard worker. Blue also loved his job there, and the customers loved the shop. One day, however, blue asks red if he would like to volunteer there on his free time. Red, while he has never taken interest in the shop before, decides to join, being the Neil Cicierega fan he is. Red is rude to the customers, criticizes them on their purchases, and even kicks them out after he purposely gets them into shouting matches with him for fun.

The customers start attending the store less and less, and some even ask blue to fire red and point out all of the bad things he does. Blue however, is often busy trying to improve the store, thinking that it's quality is why they stop coming. He does hear some complaints, and says that he doesn't believe them, but really he just doesn't want to lose red as a friend. One day, though, blue does finally ask red to stop asking the customers, and red just ignores it and convinces blue to take a vacation, saying that he is stressed from all of the hard work.

Blue takes a weekend vacation, but red tells him to go back on vacation. Blue takes 2 weeks off, but red tells him to go back and relax more. Blue takes a month off, but again red makes an excuse and says that blue is still stressed. This goes on for a whole year. At the end of that year, blue finally puts his foot down and says "I've had it! The store has declined and all I want to do is work on it!". Blue starts working at the store again, and proposes some ideas.

The biggest idea that blue wanted to implement was the idea of selling Neil Cicierega vapes. Red, however, did not like the changing of the store and most certainly not like that blue was back and able to see him mistreat the customers. Red gets into an argument with blue, an argument so loud and infamous that people still talk about it today, even the Vogons from the planet Vogsphere. Red rants off a list of the people who he left behind because of the tiniest things, and says that he isn't afraid to cut ties with blue too. He then continues to say the blue should go back on break, that he is too stressed out.

Blue expresses that he is only stressed out because the store is on the decline and he isn't often there to help and keep an eye on it. He manages to talk red down, but at a price. The store starts selling Neil Cicierega vapes, but both red and blue are now wary of each other, their friendship starting to take a turn for the worst. The store gets a jump in popularity, but it will no doubt fall again due to the real reason people stop attending, due to red.