Rj Is Fucked Up

Now, I know what you're all thinking: oh, this is about somebody named RJ with a mental disorder. NOPE, it's about someone named RJ who got so drunk at birth that he stayed perpetually drunk. You may be wondering how such a thing is possible, especially how such a thing is possible without resulting in death. Here's how it works: RJ got so drunk or "fucked up" at birth that he had enough alcohol in his system to make him at least somewhat drunk for over 100 years. That is also why people think he is a "light weight", because in reality he's already partly drunk all the time so a little bit of beer makes him fully drunk.

Now, the second thing you might've been wondering (stated earlier), how is this possible without RJ having died at birth? It isn't, he died inside the moment he got so "fucked up" that he was perpetually drunk. That is why he has his-- commonly recognized by staff and player alike--"fucked up ego". Let me get more in depth: RJ, being dead inside, needs to abuse his power whenever given any to fill his blood stream with the life giving nutritious tears of crying children. If he does not get these tears in time, he will certainly die. These nutritious tears go straight to RJ's life source: his "fucked up" ego.

RJ commonly claims to be depressed, which is actually true as his being "fucked up" makes him dead inside. His ego is what fills that hollow emptiness, and in turn must be given much nutrition that only children's salty tears can provide to fill that gaping hole in his chest. If his ego runs out of nutritious, salty tears it will shrivel, forcing his chest to collapse in on itself giving RJ a slow and painful death that is in no way a happy ending to his life, even if it was on the happiest day.

I AM required to say that RJ was not and is not an alcoholic, and it was no one's fault except lady luck's as to why RJ became perpetually fucked up. You see, RJ was born on an icy, winter day, and moments before he was born a truck transporting the world's strongest vodka ended up slipping on the ice and crashing right into the hospital RJ was born in. The vodka, unfortunately, all ended up in RJ's mouth, every last drop. For years world renowned alcohol tasters hunted RJ, trying to get one drop of his blood to taste the vodka, the world class strongest and best vodka that RJ had swallowed. They had all succeeded. Today RJ mostly lies in a hospital bed with a laptop on his lap, unable to walk as he is missing two legs, most of his torso, and an arm.